“Wasting Time” | Eighty Unplugged Episode 3
episode three of the Eighty Unplugged Podcast
In this episode of the Eighty Unplugged Podcast, the featured song “Wasting Time” by Eighty, is performed live. The themes explored in this Episode range from feelings of loneliness to feelings of inadequacy.
“Wasting Time” Background and Context
Have you ever felt like a waste of space? As a teenager, I felt an anxiety to amount to something and an urgency to be productive. I also felt incredibly lonely. Every time I tried to talk to people, it seemed like I was wasting their time. Even now, thinking about how I used to feel makes me feel like I can’t breathe. A lot of young people feel unproductive and aimless. Sometimes we find it difficult to relate to people. In my song, “Wasting Time” I express my experience with these emotions.
Wasting time with kind ideas…
“I’m just here wasting time
Breathing pesticides
Trying to find a reason why
If everyday’s a sacrifice”
When you view things as limited resources, you can become highly aware of how much you consume. I was very aware of this, having come from a larger family and being one of the eldest siblings. Every family plays a numbers game. If you make a meal, how much are you making? Who needs more, and are you being wasteful? This thought spiraled in my head and I started to apply it to everything. Thinking about how many words I say, or how much time something took. Growing up with learning and speech difficulties, I took considerably more time to understand and complete projects in school. Which is an unfortunate combination. An anxiety associated with wasting time coupled with slow comprehension. I felt like a failure at everything. This led to embarrassment because I always felt like I should be better “by now” . I consistently felt like the amount of time and effort I put into something never amounted to what it should have been.
Wasting time with kind ideas…
“I’m just here wasting air
Taking in the atmosphere
Convincing myself I don’t care,
That everyone is unaware
Well I’m just here mute is fear
Of anybody getting near
Trying to find an ear to hear
And wasting time with kind ideas ”
Feeling like a failure and feeling unintelligent made me think that no one would want to be around me. I felt very insecure talking to people because I was afraid there was something I was not understanding. So when I was around people, I thought I couldn’t keep up or contribute, so I was wasting the space I was standing in. To overcompensate, I would imagine a plan of grand gestures in my head, which I thought would make up for my incompetence. Simultaneously, I’m telling myself that I wouldn’t care if people had the same ideas about me that I did. For the record, I don’t think the people around me at the time ever gave it two thoughts whether I was in their class room or on their team. I mean this positively. They never saw me as out of place. I was the only one who felt that way. To my core, I felt that way.
Life sentence to slowly die…
“And I won’t share my opinion
With anyone who's listening
I’d share it with the ones I trust
To listen and do what they must
But good people are hard to find
So I can rarely speak my mind
This silence is like a crime a life sentence to slowly die ”
All of the thinking in the world doesn’t equal any doing. I believe the best way to learn about something is to fail. I wish I could tell my younger self that failure is a good thing, especially when you can identify why you failed. It isn’t bad to fail because that means you tried. I think this song boils down to fear of failure. I felt like I was failing to connect with people and failing to accomplish things. I spent a lot of time feeling like a prisoner of my own mind and abilities. If I had thrown my insecurities to the wind and tried more, even if I had been met with scorn, I would have learned something. And the truth is, it’s likely I would have been met with casual kindness. Not something incredible and life-changing, but something normal and friendly.
Song Title: Wasting Time
Songwriter: Eighty
I’m just here wasting time
Breathing in pesticides
Trying to find a reason why
If everyday’s a sacrifice
I’m just here wasting air
Taking in the atmosphere
Convincing myself I don’t care
That everyone is unaware
Well I’m just here mute in fear
Of anybody getting near
Trying to find an ear to hear
And wasting time with kind ideas
I’m just here growing mad
At all the things I’ve come to lack
Feeling like an outcast
In a land of ignorance
I’m just here crafting lies,
Making up alibis
So nobody can realise
I am merely wasting time
I’m just here thinking about
The things I shouldn’t say out loud
Like everything I choose to doubt
And every reason to speak out
And I won’t share my opinions
With anyone who's listening
I’d share it with the ones I trust
To listen and do what they must
But good people are hard to find
So I can rarely speak my mind
This silence is like a crime
A life sentence to slowly die
A Podcast for Music Lovers!
Our goal with Eighty Unplugged is to create a space where songwriters from all levels of success and all backgrounds can discuss their art! We hope to grow into a community of musicians supporting each other's creations; and of course, hear some great live music!
